On becoming like your father

I’ve always had a quiet fear of turning into my father. Doesn’t every man? To dread becoming someone you deeply admire—a person who’s cared tremendously and at their best, loved unconditionally. Yet there it was: the sting when my partner snapped, “You’re just like your dad!” A sentence that should’ve felt neutral, even complimentary, but instead felt like a verdict.

For years I’ve joked to friends with kids, “Why bother raising them? They’ll turn out like you anyway.” It was meant lightly, but lately it feels more like a confession. And here’s what’s slowly settling in: learning to love myself means first learning to accept my father fully — his humanity, in all its complexity. Because it isn’t just inevitable that I’ll one day be almost like my dad. It’s a good thing.